Everybody's free (to wear a band tee) (GBE reincarnated #3)

 Hey Stephy.

It's September of 1989. School will be starting soon, and you'll be turning 14 in a couple of weeks.

How do I know this? Because I'm you. Only I'm a few weeks from my 48th birthday. I know, I know, that IS old. 

Why am I here? Because I'm part of blogging group. What's a blog? Well, THAT is a lot of future that I don't have the time or energy to get into right this second. Anyway, I have been prompted to write a letter to my 14-year-old self who is just about start high school. 

And that, my dear, is YOU. By the way, you are looking super cute with your grown out perm and NKOTB t-shirt. You should probably wear it on the first day of school.

I know you already have an outfit picked out. That sweater...yeah, I know...it's really pretty. Don't wear it on the first day. The first day of school is going to be SUPER HOT. Septembers in general are going to be getting hotter as the years go by. You are going to sweat your ass off if you wear that sweater. You are going to melt on the first day of school. Melt, I tell you!! 

Oh, and, for the love of muffins, WEAR YOUR FUCKING GLASSES! There is nothing cool or pretty about not being able to see. Believe it or not, they are going to be a defining part of how you look in the future. 

I know the point of this exercise is to give you some profound advice from my years of wisdom you have yet to acquire. I'll try, but I have some reservations.

Remember when you went to go see 'Back to the Future' in the movie theater? Of course you do. You had a lot of fun. Remember that when changes were made to the past, changes were made to the future? Okay, good. Do I have a point. I do! What I'm trying to say is that I'm not going to tell you anything big. Because your life...our life is pretty great...and I'm not going to have you screw anything up.

First off, give yourself (and your family) some grace.

The next two years are going to come with a ton of loss for you. Your life will change in ways you can't even imagine. It will be years before you feel 'normal'--whatever that even means. It's going to feel like no one notices what you're going through. Maybe they do, maybe they don't. You are growing up in a generation that doesn't place much importance on mental health. You will struggle, but you will do the best you can with the limited tools you have. 

Secondly, you are beautiful. 

No seriously, listen to me, it's the truth. I'm not talking about the "oh, but you have such a pretty face" bullshit people say. Those people just mean "oh you would be so pretty if you weren't so damn fat." I'm here to tell you that you aren't as fat as you think you are and that it doesn't matter. I'm not talking about health--there will be plenty of that conversation as the years come and go. I'm talking about appearance. You're going to spend a lot of time worrying and obsessing about your weight and how it relates to your attractiveness. It doesn't and you shouldn't. I know it's going to be hard to believe, but the future is FULL of women who look just like you--making art, being fashionable, showing the world that they can live fulfilled and happy lives regardless of size, and advocating for the needs of plus size women. It's really fucking beautiful, and I wish you didn't have to wait thirty years to experience it.

You're going to fall in love. It is going to be wonderful. It's also going to be terrible and traumatic. Because of your size, you're going to believe that this is the only man who will ever love you. I wish I could tell you to run. But I can't. You need to go through this to get to the life we have now. Writing this, I sincerely ache for you and what you are about to go through. It sounds cheesy, but it's going to make you a stronger person and a better wife and mother.

Third, you're weird. Get over it.

Everyone is weird. Everyone hides all of their little quirks so they can fit in. Fitting in is bullshit. Wear the clothes you want (except wait on that sweater though, maybe wear it in October...please!!) and the makeup you like. Read ALL THE BOOKS.  Listen to the music that speaks to you. Even pop music has its place and anyone who disagrees is most likely just being pretentious so they can look 'cool.' Cool is bullshit too. Whatever you think is cool--that is what is cool. Embrace it and enjoy it.

And lastly, I promise it gets better. 

Many people are going to tell you that you're 'doing it wrong.' You're not following the expected trajectory. College. Career. Dating. Marriage. Kids. Don't take it to heart. You will get where you want to be on your own terms. It's not always going to be fun or easy, but your life is going to be filled with so much love and happiness. One day, you're going to be sitting in your home--using your dog as a pillow as you write a letter to your younger self. You'll be surrounded by your children and just about the best partner anyone could ask for. Trust me, it's going to be great.

Let me throw out a few more, quickly, before I go...

Spend more time with your grandmother.

Be a better friend.

Stop using baby powder.

Moisturize daily and wear sunscreen every time you go outside.

And no matter what anyone says, there is no age limit on wearing a band tee.